Everything Might Be Okay: Supporting Your Loved One Through OCD Treatment

Whether you’re a parent, a partner, a spouse, or a friend, it can be a natural response to reassure your loved one when they are in distress. But what if I told you that doing so was actually keeping them more stuck? That every time you reassure them or accommodate their compulsive behavior, you actually make it more difficult for them to break free from OCD’s vicious cycle? This is because the short-term relief you provide reinforces their need for it. Try to think of it as you giving them a push on the merry-go-round. That extra speed is going to make it harder for them to stop and get off.

Here are some examples of accommodation:

• Your loved one asks you, “are you sure I won’t throw up?” and you respond with “yes, I’m sure it won’t happen”

• You repeatedly check that the stove is turned off for them or send them pictures of it off

• You agree to repeating phrases or doing something until it’s “just right” with them

• You make excuses for your loved one as to why they can’t do something

• You drive them to go back and check that they haven’t hit someone in the road

• You wash your hands or change your clothes every time they ask you to

You might feel mean refusing to reassure your loved one or engage in a compulsion that makes them feel better, which is why it’s important that they are on board with the plan. It can be helpful to make a plan with their therapist, working as a team. At the end of the day, OCD sufferers know you can’t give them 100% certainty. While it may seem uncaring, there are ways to be supportive and encouraging without feeding the cycle.

Helpful responses that are supportive but not reassuring:

• I know this is scary, but you can handle whatever the outcome is

• This sounds like OCD talking, so I’m not going to answer that (or do that compulsion) because I care about you and your recovery

• I will sit in the uncertainty and discomfort with you

• I don’t know or maybe, maybe not

• You are so brave for facing your fears

Other ways you can support your loved one’s treatment journey are by encouraging them to do their exposure “homework” or reminding them of their motivators and values when doing the work gets challenging. Thank you for making the effort to educate yourself and help your loved one. You are an important part of the team!